Speaking in Tongues

Secrets
by Hegina Rodrigues

Through the years my friends and I have actually developed a common vocabulary. I guess you could compare it to gay speak, except were not gay. Having the same friends through elementary highschool, college, and now 10 years after college (!) resulted in a lot of code words / alternate terms that we use to explain ourselves to each other.

Half-Car - my car in college, a 1979 Toyota Corona that was half car and half kalawang (rust).

Shower No-No - an embarrasing event, usually brought on by yourself. This is generally dwelt on while alone (as in when taking a shower) and makes you shake your head, rub your arms and say "Noooooo! Nooooo!"
in use:
"Hehe! I bet now that she's sober she'll consider their public smooching session with that yuk last night a Shower No-No."

Amoeba - reaching a point of annoyance with one person where the annoyance no longer disappears, it instead lies dormant inside you waiting for the slightest provocation, upon which the annoyance would start up again
in use:
Sheesh, I know she wasn't that irritating, but I've got an amoeba for her.

Fots - Pahiya (Humiliate / Embarass) we can't even remember how this started
in use:
(noun) I don't like going out with her, she's such a Fots that she'll probably pick up some yuk.
(verb) I am so mad at her that I'll fots her during the meeting.

Botched Abortion - someone who we wish didn't exist
in use:
That (insert name here of annoying person) is such a goddam botched abortion

JIL - no offense meant, this means "Jologs is loud"
in use:
WTF? That pointy-lipped girl is so crass! She's JIL.

May Diyos - generally refers to food so delicious it proves "may Diyos" (translated to mean "There is a God")

Silence of the Lambs - loosely translated as "Shut TF Up!" The person we're talking about is close by!"
in use: Generally the group gossiping about someone, with one of us so intent on our kwento that we fail to notice the subject beside us. Whomever sees the subject will probably hiss "SILENCCCCE!.....of the Lambbbbssssss....."

PK - pardon the crudeness, this means "Panandaliang Kati" (loosely translated in english as "a horny pill")
in use:
Hah! He's stupid if he thinks she will take him seriously, he's just a PK."

Nouveau Thin - someone who was previously really fat who lost weight, and has the (mistaken) idea that they now look good in skimpy clothes
in use:
"What the hell is she wearing! I can see her loose jiggly flesh spilling out of that spaghetti-strapped minidress! Hay nako, Nouveau Thin"

Meerkat - Just a cat. (this is more of a joke really, which we made up during the time when "The Lion King" was popular.)
only use:
What's a meerkat?
Just a cat.

Blah - undescribably undesirable
in use:
I feel so Blah!
Her attitude is so Blah!
How do I look? (answer: Blah!")
eta:
You can emphasize degree of blahness this way :
" How do I look with my new haircut?" "BLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH"

Yummy - referring to someone who is or appears stinky / spicy
in use:
The guy at the gym is cute, but his tanktops are so.....yummy : (

Babies - pets or animals (used by Erik and Mia only)
in use:
"Have you fed the babies?"

Bozanian - gay person / suspected gay person
in use:
He has a crush on Mark pala. I didn't know he was a Bozanian.

Smelling (his) matris - suspecting or knowing someone is gay ("matris" is filipino for "uterus")
in use:
Of course I knew he liked Mark talaga, I could smell his matris from a mile away.

Badar - the uncanny ability to pick out the most unstylish, cheesiest outfit or clothing item from a selection (contraction of baduy-radar)
in use:
Her badar is so strong that if you placed her in the middle of a Paul Smith sale, she would pick out the only neon-colored spandex shirt in the bunch and buy that.